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A Beginning…

by admin on August 3, 2012

Recently, there was in my life an ending. And, this ending, though somewhat expected, still seemed rather sudden and abrupt. My mother and I sat beside my father while he had his last moments and tried to remember the life we had shared with him. Recalling moments long forgotten…laughing, yes laughing, as we told favourite family stories to pass the time. And, then, as his last moments passed, I realized it was not only an ending, but it was also a beginning.

While coordinating all of the details of that ending, I realized a few things. Like sometimes images can remind you of why you are awesome. I was struck when looking at the images of my father’s life how much I had forgotten about who he used to be. As a child, I thought he was simply the greatest man on earth…I see that look in Georgia’s eyes when she looks at Bob, but I had forgotten that I once used to look at my own dad that way. As we age, our relationships shift and change, but more importantly PEOPLE shift and change. Part of me wishes that we had sat down with him more often and looked at these photographs and super 8 movies to remind us all of where we came from and who we used to be so that we could grab the good parts and try to embrace them more. About ourselves and about each other. Nowadays, we all spend a great deal of time documenting our lives so that we can share it on social media, but THAT documentation feels so different to me…it feels so superficial in a ‘look at how awesome I am’ kind of way. The beautiful thing about photographs and movies from before the digital and social media age is that there is an innocence in them. An excitement that it is even possible–this documentation. And, an honesty that is often lacking in today’s over documented digital histories. I am going to make a commitment right here and now to look back on these old pictures and movies once a year…maybe on my birthday…to spend a whole day looking at all of the documentation of my life. So that I don’t forget who I am and where I have come from.

Perhaps the most valuable lesson I learned is that at the end, all there is is love. Everything that you worried about, stressed over, bickered about…all of that is set aside as you realize how utterly unimportant it all is. The one and only thing you want to express is love. And that goes for everyone who is there…of course, we have all heard that to be true, but now I KNOW it and that is an entirely different thing.

The last thing I want to share with you today is about a beginning…a beginning that grew out of the ending. Sort of. I might have begun it awhile ago and then put it aside for any number of reasons, but I am picking it back up today. In a different world than when I last begun 10 years ago…a world where I might actually find what I am looking for. But, before I get into all of that…there is a story to be told. It’s a family story…I know that all families have them, but this is a big one and I have always thought that it was just screaming to be told. So, I am going to tell it…right here on my own family’s blog. I would love it if you followed along. I would especially love it if you asked questions so that I may go out and find the answers. I will put all of the posts in the category called ‘The Search’. Hopefully, I find what I’m looking for :)


Dana Pugh

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Jenn August 3, 2012 at 4:44 pm

This struck me so much this morning. I am not an emotional person but I got so choked up thinking about who my mom was before she was ill, thinking of it as “then” and “now” that Sam, who almost never picks up on emotions, felt compelled to come up and give me a hug and we ended up talking aout it. Because he has never known Nanny healthy.

I look forward to being part of your search.


Jennifer Kapala August 3, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Made me catch my breath and swallow the hard lump in my throat. I hope you find what you are looking for too….


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